SCHIZM

APRIL 14th 2026

He-aay! Ryan. Just me. Don’t know what you’ve been up to. It seems like we haven’t talked in a while… yeah… um. Just checking to see how you’re doing. Did you catch the game? Your Cubbies don’t look so great. Hee heh he. Just kidding.

Soooo, um If you get a chance…

Can you do me a favor… and give me a call…

whenever you get a chance. 

Thank you. 

Okay… Talk to you later.

Bye-ee.

JULY 1985

West Jeffrey – City of Destiny

He’s been out there since three? Geez! It’s almost 7! He must be waiting for me to come out there to play catch. Geez-us. My knees are killing me. These 14 hour days are rough… I didn’t even get a chance to have lunch. Well, I better head out there before they get stiff. Where’s my mitt? 

He’ll be mad if I don’t go out there. Keep dinner warm for me. We won’t be out there too long with the sun going down.

Alright, son. Grab the orange ball. I’ll turn on the patio light so you can get some more throws in. 

APRIL 1989

Friendship Park

Yeah. The dang hotel has me working six days a week now… I had to drive like a madman to get here in time! At least I can make it to one of these night games to see my kid play. That’s him! Over there… Number 11! The kid with the glasses and tan like me. Heh heh hee. Let me wave at him so he knows I made it. Hey, Ryan!!! Make sure you are aggressive out there! Go get ‘em! 

Yeah, I never played baseball. I really didn’t even know much about baseball till my kid started following it. I wanted to be Elvis or at least be a bodybuilder. Hee hee heh. My wife tells me that he rushes home after school every day just to catch the end of the Cubs games. He then goes out in our yard for hours working on his pitching, pretending that he is Rick Sutcliffe or Lee Smith. Heh. Last week, I made him go to his orthodontist appointment instead of watching the end of Cubs’ Opening Day. He didn’t talk to me for a week because he missed Mitch Williams strike out three Phillies in a row with the bases loaded on Opening Day. Geez-us. I felt so guilty.. I had to buy him some Nintendo game called Contra just to make it up to him. My wife says I spoil him. He’s a kid… Hee hee heh. I can’t believe the coach has him playing in right field? 

Why isn’t he pitching? I should talk to his coach, Art. Excuse me. Let me go down there and talk to him for a second. Hey, Art! How is everything going? Jeff is pitching a helluva game. I just want to let you know that Ryan has been working on his pitching so maybe give him a shot sometime. I think he really has improved since last season. Thanks! 

Nah.. I didn’t play. I didn’t get a chance to play much sports growing up. I-iii um… My father passed away when I was around our kid’s age now. 

So I had to work so I could help my mom and brothers. I pretty much had to fill the role of my dad. So, yeah. I guess.. I want my kid to enjoy being a kid. You can maybe say I’m living vicariously through him. Hey, Ryan! Be ready!!

JUNE 1994

West Jeffrey 

Hey! What’s going on with you? Let’s go out in the yard and play catch? 

We haven’t done that in a while. You can show me how your curve is doing and afterwards I’ll throw some burgers and dogs on the grill? What do you say?

OCTOBER 8th, 2003

Friendly Confines – Northside

I can’t believe that moon shot Sammy had to center! 

Ryan, I have to get up at 5 tomorrow for work.

Okay. I thought we’d grab something on the way home from Perry’s and talk some more about the game but… I… umm… guess it’s alright… we can do that another time. Have fun. 

NOVEMBER 2nd, 2016

Graceland – City of Destiny

I can’t believe they won!! I never thought I’d see the day!!! Best part is that I get to celebrate the Cubbies winning it all, with all of you! I’m going to break out the Johnny Walker Blue!

Ryan! Where’s Ryan? Hey, Ryan! Have a drink with us!

Alright. 

SEPTEMBER 29th 2023

Graceland

Hey, Ryan. Haven’t talked to you in a while. I hope you are doing okay. Me and Mom are doing alright. I’m not sure about your Cubs though. I think their season is over after losing today. That is six games in a row now…that they lost. Let me know if you want to come over. I can throw some burgers on the grill or something. Let me know. Thanks. Talk to you later. 

Hey, I want to talk to you about something… the doctors can’t figure out what’s going on with me. They gave me all these different types of medications but everything just hurts. I can’t even sleep…  

Everything just hurts.

JUNE 9th, 2025

Graceland

Thanks for moving my car. Did you get a chance to see the game? That Crow kid looks good!

Where did they find this kid? Have you seen him play? 

I don’t remember you telling me that? 

Give me a break, Ryan. No! I won’t wear a hearing aid. I don’t need one. 

Because I said so!

I don’t care. If you don’t want to help then don’t. 

That’s fine.  

🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻

JULY – 1985

111 West Jeffrey – City of Destiny

A-aaand Sutcliffe strikes out the side… C’mon!! Where is he? His car pulled in almost a half hour ago. I need him to catch so I can work on my pitches. It’s his fault that Coach Jackson don’t let me pitch because Dad is always busy. 

Where have you been!?! I’ve been waiting for you for the last thirty minutes! C’mon! There isn’t much such left! Just crouch down into the catcher’s position. 

The sun is pretty much gone…  Are you happy!?! I’ll never get a chance to pitch without really practicing!

APRIL – 1989

Friendship Park

Of course he shows up to a game that I’m stuck out in right field! Why did he show up? And who is he talking to? 

Great! Now he feels the need to embarrass me by yelling and waving at me now. Yeah, Dad. I see you! Geez. Why does he do this to me? 

I just want to go home. And play Contra. Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right.. Triangle? Wait, is it square than triangle? Shit. I better focus. Knowing my luck the ball will be hit to me. 

Wait. Why is he talking to Coach Jackson? Oh my God! What is he doing!! I can’t believe this is happening! Why does he do this to me?  

All he does is yell and embarrass me. I wish he never came to my games. Why can’t he just leave me alone?

JUNE – 1994

Jeffrey Lane

You’ll just get tired and sit in the patio chair. 

Thanks but I haven’t pitched in a while… Anyway… I’m going out with some friends to hang out at Randhurst. I’ll get something to eat at the mall. Maybe another time. Don’t wait up. 

 OCTOBER 8th, 2003

Friendly Confines

I know! He crushed it!!! I never see a ball hit the batter’s eye!!! Hey, Dad some of the guys want to hang out after the game. They are at Sluggers.  

It’s cool. You can drive home. I’ll stay out here and catch a ride back with them.

Thanks! I’m sure we’ll get something out here to eat. It was fun. I’ll see you back at home tomorrow. 

NOVEMBER 2nd, 2016

Graceland – City of Destiny

Wow. I can’t believe it either! This is surreal! I can’t believe they really did it!

Nah, Dad. I’m good! I got to take this call! Actually, I’m going to head out…You guys have fun.  

SEPTEMBER 29th, 2023

Graceland

Hey Dad, 

Yeah, everything is alright. It’s only been a couple of days since we last talked. C’mon… you make it seem like it’s been months. Anyway… Yeah, I saw that the Cubs lost again. It’s probably over. They might have to get rid of Grandpa Rossy. I really hope they find a way to keep Belli! But, yeah, I’ve been super busy but I can stop by later. I can do some laundry while I’m there. Let me just do a couple of things and I’ll come by later tonight.

What’s up? Maybe the new meds will help? It can’t be that bad. You just need to lie down. You’ll be fine.

You said that already, Dad. Why don’t you get some sleep? You’ll feel better in the morning. I’m going to head out.

JUNE 9th, 2025

Graceland

No problem. Yeah, Crow-Armstrong looks really good. They got him from the Mets in the Javy Baez trade.

Yeah, Dad. He’s been on the Cubs for pretty much the entire season… Wait! Dad! I told you not to touch these boxes!

C’mon!!! It’s probably because you can’t hear me! Can you do me a favor and look into finally getting a hearing aid!

Why not!?! 

You need one! You always say that you don’t remember me saying something!! Maybe that’s because you can’t hear a damn thing!! Seriously! Do you know how frustrating it is when I have to repeat myself several times? It makes my life more difficult! I’m just trying to help you!!! And all I ask is for you to help me with this one thing!! Otherwise, I won’t help you. 

Fine! I’m leaving! I can’t believe this bullshit!

APRIL 14th, 2026

I never got that message from my Dad on April 14th, 2026. But. I can hear it as clear as day in the back of my head… it’s on an endless loop. Throughout the last twenty-ish years, I must have heard at least fifty similar messages on my voicemail left from him. 

Why? 

I spent most of my life avoiding him.

He fuckin’ frustrated me over and over again, and never listen! I needed space… You know… time to myself.

Ha. I’m such a dick!

Saying that out loud sounds even worse than I thought.

I’m sure that’s exactly how I frustrated him as a kid, as a teenager, and as the man I eventually became.

Shit really went full circle. 

The difference is, I took the easy way out and just left him. 

He never left me.

I chose to let him wither away while I moved on in life without a care in the world… only giving a shit about myself and my happy ending.

April 14th, 2026 would have been his 80th birthday.

The conversation… I mean the argument we had on June 9th was the last time he and I ever had. 

My Dad passed away on June 25th, 2025. 

I loved my Dad but for most of my life I thought he was the antagonist of my story.

I never thought it was… ME.

But in every line of every chapter… It was. 

I had every chance to be the hero or at least do some good…

Don’t ask me why I am sharing any of this with you? 

I’m guessing it is some fucked up way to help me clear my conscience.

Maybe, I’m trying to stop you from being the asshole of your story before it’s too late?

Who the fuck knows.

All I know is that I’d do anything to talk to him now. 

🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻🐻

Hey Dad,

It’s Ryan…

Happy Birthday Old Man!

How is everything going?

How are you feeling? 

I miss you! I really do.

I was just thinking of all those days we played catch in the yard. Those are some of the best moments of my life. I can’t even explain what those times meant to me. I want to thank you for making time for me after working those 14 hour days just to make me happy. I’m sorry I didn’t think about how tired you must have been and the pain you were dealing with. Also, I want to thank you for coming out to my games and being my biggest and let’s be honest.. my one and only fan. Ha. I know I didn’t show it back then but now it means the world to me. Just like all of those times we went to Wrigley with you and just talked ball. I’ll never forget 2003. I’ll also never forget the day you wore a Cardinals shirt in ‘85! Ha! I’ll never let you live that down… kidding. 

I… um… I want to tell you how sorry I am… for taking you for granted for most of my life. 

For not thinking of your feelings. 

For not listening. 

For not taking the time… to show you that I care…. especially for when you needed me the most. 

I’m so sorry. I wish I could go back. 

Change so many things. I’m so sorry. 

Please know that I love you. I really miss you.

And most of all…  Thank you for being the hero of my story. 

Soooo, um If you get a chance…

Can you do me a favor… and give me some sort of sign that you got this…

whenever you get a chance.

Thank you.

Okay… Talk to you later, Dad. 

Bye.