“Write what you know.” 

Mark Twain

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I hate to admit this, but while working on a piece a few nights ago, I came to a pretty sobering realization.

What I write is nothing special.

Most of my “analysis” is just a regurgitation of informed thoughts, data, and insights that I lifted from various reports posted on other websites. 

What I write is indistinguishable from the work of hundreds of other fantasy baseball analysts. And honestly? My shit is usually worse… or at the very least, outdated.

The truth is, most writers in this industry are trapped in an echo chamber, repeating after one another using our own spiel. We are all fighting for an audience but spewing from the same source.

I noticed this a couple of years ago while researching an obscure prospect that only played in the Dominican. I found six or seven different articles about this kid, and they all offered almost word-for-word identical analysis that had been spun from a single, five sentence blurb written by an MLB Pipeline scout who had actually seen him play. And this has only gotten worse with AI being implemented by everyone including this very own site. You’ve probably noticed this, too.

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“You are bound by nothing…

They’re slowed down by their perception of themselves.”

Kanye West

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I understand that Ye says some crazy shit that I don’t agree with. But this quote?

It stopped me from giving up on this writing thing.

So now what?

Well, I figured I should write about something that connects to fantasy baseball, but also touches on a reality that other people might deal with or at least relate to.

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CHAPTER ONE

IMPULSIVENESS

Do it now!

Do it before they can. 

Do it fuckin’ now! 

No… just breathe… 

You don’t need to do this. 

Just stop…  Please… Please, you need to stop. 

You are in control. 

Please stop.

You have power over this. Breathe. 

Stop getting in your head! You fuckin’ idiot!

You can stop this. You know you can! 

It’s all in your head. It isn’t real. It’s all in your head. 

What’s wrong with you? 

Why can’t you stop? 

Just fuckin stop! 

You know what you are doing… Don’t you? 

Why did you do that?

There is something wrong with you. 

Do it now! 

Do it before they can. 

Do it fuckin’ now! 

No… I just need to breathe. 

I don’t need to do this.

Just stop. Please. 

I can stop this… please. 

I know I can.

I’m in control. 

Please stop. 

I have the power to overcome this. Breathe. 

Stop getting in your head! Fuckin’ idiot!

I can stop this. I know I can! 

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. 

Why can’t I stop? 

It’s all in my head. It’s all in my head… This isn’t real. 

Just fuckin’ stop! 

I don’t know what I’m doing… Do I?

Why did I do that? 

There is something wrong with me. 

 

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with Bipolar II. Every day feels like living on a perpetual pendulum, swinging from the highest highs to the lowest lows. And living with this the last few years has taught me something: Bipolar II amplifies certain behaviors that can seriously mess with your perception.

I’ll give you an example of this that happens to me almost on a daily basis when it comes to fantasy baseball… I come across an X post about a prospect that no one is talking about. He’s barely rostered, but this random account is pumping so much helium into the kid’s name that the back of his jersey should say “Goodyear.”

Panic immediately sets in. I quickly scan my roster, convinced someone else in my league just read the exact same tweet and is hovering over the “add” button.

Right then, the internal battle begins... Why am I doing this? I haven’t even checked his underlying metrics. I don’t even know this kid’s walk rate. But the louder voice in my head fires back: If you don’t pull the trigger right now, you’re going to lose him. Don’t overthink it. At that exact moment, all I can think about is the dopamine hit I’ll get if I’m right… not the ramifications if I’m wrong. So, I blindly drop a player without doing an ounce of real research. Within minutes, another league manager scoops up the guy I just cut, and I start to feel a pit in my stomach.

Fast forward a few weeks, months, or years that prospect’s helium was actually filled with hydrogen. To make matters worse, the player I blindly dropped just broke out for another team, turning that add/drop into a total Hindenburg of a transaction. Between social media and the endless cycle of sports publications, I’ve lost count of how many times this exact cycle has burned me.

My impatience and FOMO attitude cost me in not only fantasy baseball but also in real life. 

I’m not sure if it is me wanting more even though I have everything that I should want, letting fear get the best of me, manipulation, me wanting to feel I’m the smartest person in the room or impatience. 

It really depends on the day. 

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Words are worthless…

till they aren’t.